Are You Hiding Your Dating Life From Your Kids?

So you're back in the dating world, but you're not comfortable enough to tell your kids that. You wonder if they'll accept you with another man or woman, or maybe even make fun of you. Part of the problem is that you don't know how to tell them. Should you mention it when you've only been on a few dates? When you've fallen in love with someone new? Here's some advice.

Don't Be Embarrassed

One of the common first reactions midlife daters have when they enter the dating world again is of embarrassment. Even if they are comfortable telling their friends that they are meeting new people, they assume their kids will make fun of them or not support them. But you know what happens when you assume, right?

You might feel embarrassed because you've made a few dating mistakes right out of the gate. You feel a little funny being out in the dating world again, and as a result you're probably using this feeling as a shield against what your kids may or may not say.

The problem is, the more time you let slip by before you tell them, the harder it will be to come clean later on. Trust that your kids want the best for you. Rather than assigning a motive to what their reaction might be, give them credit for wanting you to be happy.

How to Tell Your Kids You're Dating Again

Dating again is a big deal, but that doesn't mean you have to make a huge, official announcement. The best approach is simply to work it into normal conversation. As your kids tell you about the updates in their life, you can share the fact that you're dating. As you do this, keep this points in mind:

• Keep the announcement casual.
• Let your kids know you appreciate their support.
• If you're dating someone special, go ahead and tell them that. (But ideally you should have brought up the subject of dating before now if you're already seeing someone seriously.)
• Let your kids know you'll ask for help or questions if you have them. (This lets them know you're not looking for advice.)
• Assure your kids that if there is news they should know (like you're getting serious about someone or getting married), you'll keep them in the loop.

When Your Kids Have Opinions About Your Love Life

You may find that the tables are turned when it comes to your love life. Remember how you used to comment on your kid's relationships? Now they will likely comment on yours. This doesn't mean that you need their approval for your relationships, obviously, but it does mean you'll have to field their questions or opinions.

Every midlife dater has a different reason for re-entering the dating world. Perhaps you just went through a rotten divorce, or maybe your spouse passed away and you're beginning to pick up the pieces again.  No matter what your reasons, your kids will have some feelings about you dating, but that doesn't mean you need to go to extremes (by shutting them out completely or trying to get their approval).

On one hand, you may want to say, "Back off! It's my life!" But that will only alienate your kids. Besides that, you might actually want their input at some point. Instead, gently let them know that while you appreciate their thoughts, you can take care of yourself. If you should have questions, you will ask for their opinions.

More on dating in midlife:

• What Is love?
• Are You Too Fat to Date?
• Midlife Daters Reveal: What I Wish I Knew Then