Carrot, Stick or??

Getting your kids off their butts — whether it's to do homework, help around the house or get some outdoor exercise — can be like teaching an iguana to sing.

We tend to use a mix of reward and punishment to get our kids to do what we need them to. After all, aren't those the prime motivators of all human behavior?

Maybe not, according to two experts.

Journalist and author Daniel Pink's new book is Drive: The Surprising Truth about What Motivates Us. Clay Shirky is an expert on new media and the author of Cognitive Surplus: Creativity and Generosity in a Connected Age.

In a conversation for Wired magazine, they discuss surprising truths about why we choose to spend inordinate amounts of time on things that seem unproductive and don't offer any tangible reward, like commenting on blogs or Facebooking.

Pink says,

We have a biological drive. We eat when we're hungry, drink when we're thirsty, have sex to satisfy our carnal urges. We also have a second drive—we respond to rewards and punishments in our environment. But what we've forgotten—and what the science shows—is that we also have a third drive. We do things because they're interesting, because they're engaging, because they're the right things to do, because they contribute to the world. The problem is that, especially in our organizations, we stop at that second drive. We think the only reason people do productive things is to snag a carrot or avoid a stick. But that's just not true. Our third drive—our intrinsic motivation—can be even more powerful.

In fact, they both cite research showing that when people were rewarded for activities they tended to do anyway, like solving puzzles, they actually became less interested in the tasks.

How can you use this information for parenting? Well, you could train a webcam on the garbage pail and post it to your own Facebook page. Or tweet your kid that it's time to wash the dishes. But Scholastic.com has some better tips.

For example, any time you can turn a chore into an opportunity for your kids to express themselves, it's a win for both of you. Can you turn a transform a homework assignment into an in-house poetry slam? How about videotaping your kid as he cleans up after dinner and then analyzing his performance as though he were on the playing field?

Robbie Fanning of GreatSchools.org advises us to connect the behavior we want with our child's passions. She writes,

If he struggles with most school subjects, look elsewhere for his passions. Pay attention to whatever makes your child perk up. Is it animals? Plants? Music? Art? Dinosaurs? Video games? Skateboards?

To play on these passions, help your child deepen his knowledge. For example, if your Internet provider allows you space for a family website, let the child help build one on his favorite subject. He could research and write about the foremost skateboard athletes in the world. Post his drawings of himself skateboarding the galaxy. List unanswered questions about skateboards. Let family and friends interact with the website, too — what else would they like to know from your in-house skateboard expert?

Who knows where your kids' passions could lead? The guy who started Lolcats is famous — and probably rich. Do your own kids have obsessions that could lead somewhere surprising? How do you try to channel or redirect them into more productive paths?

For more on how to motivate kids, see

Make This Back-to-Homework Season

Top 10 Ways to Get Kids to Help Out

Let the Kids Walk