Christmas Eve and Christmas Day Traditions: He Said, She Said

When I spent my first Christmas with my husband, I rolled my eyes when I saw his father whip out a pocketknife to carefully open a package. No devil-may-care ripping. No rushing to get to the next present.

But over the years I've come to appreciate his family's traditions and my own. And in that spirit, my husband and I offer up our answers to this Christmas traditions quiz. Feel free to take it, and let us know when you think we deserve a kiss under the mistletoe — or a lump of coal.

Should stocking stuffers be wrapped?

Karen: Of course! Otherwise, kids can just dump out everything, in two seconds. Why not delight in the process? Wrap up every last pencil eraser and tube of lip gloss.

Mark: No way. In my family, stocking stuffers were mostly oranges, nuts and candy. Others were toothbrushes or pencils. Why wrap those?

Should stockings include healthy food (such as those oranges) and useful items (such as toothbrushes)?

Karen: No! Edible gifts should be more along the lines of chocolates and peppermints. And toothbrushes and dental floss are too practical.

Mark: Come on, stocking stuffers aren't meant to be the main event. They are just little appetizers — both literally in the case of the fruit and nuts and figuratively in the case of the small gift items. Putting "real" gifts in the stockings takes away from the build-up.

Should everyone open gifts at the same time, willy-nilly?

Karen: Horrors, no! Family members should take turns, starting with the youngest. After the oldest person goes, the cycle starts again. No exceptions. This way everyone gets to see each person open each present. Savor, savor, savor!

Mark: I'm with you there.  Every gift (and every giver and receiver) deserves time in the spotlight. And what's the hurry, anyway?  By noon, you're going to be trying to figure out what to do for the rest of the day.

Should you open any presents on Christmas Eve?

Karen: Yes! But just one. Otherwise, what will everyone do on Christmas morning?

Mark: You totally stole that from my family, but I'm glad you realize we've been doing it right. The "one on Christmas Eve" rule is a perfect way to both build and release a little of the tension at the same time.  By the way, it's one thing that Crash Davis [in "Bull Durham"], in all his wisdom, didn't get quite right. ("I believe there ought to be a constitutional amendment outlawing AstroTurf and the designated hitter. I believe in…opening your presents Christmas morning rather than Christmas Eve…")

Should you disguise presents?

Karen: Yes, but beware! I knew my husband disguised gifts, so, many years ago, I thought a big box might contain an engagement ring. It held a mixer. Sob. But I eventually got the ring — and grew fond of the KitchenAid, which we still use. This year my husband added a water bottle full of screws to a box wrapped up for our daughter because he knew she'd give it a "shake test." She is flummoxed.

Mark: Heck, yes. One year my dad gave my sister a tiny little box with a generic-looking key inside. The key opened a storage building, and inside was an antique china cupboard with a big bow. The whole family had to pile into cars and drive a few blocks to complete the "opening" of that one. And one year my brother and I each got a small but heavy package that turned out to be a billiard ball — yup, a basement pool table.

Should you play Christmas tunes in the background?

Karen: Yes! Ideally, shuffle-play holiday songs by Bing Crosby, Bruce Springsteen, and the cast of Glee so that no generation can groan for too long.

Mark: OK with me, as long as no Christmas music is played before the end of Thanksgiving dinner. If there were any justice in this world, Christmas music before the turkey is gone would be a felony.

Should you cook a Christmas feast?

Karen: No! You just indulged in a big Thanksgiving dinner. Christmas isn't about food (other than cookies and candy canes). "Born Round" author Frank Bruni just wrote a wonderful New York Times essay about how the most popular dish at his home on Christmas Eve was always his mom's simple eggplant macaroni.

Mark: Sometimes I wonder how we could be married.  How can you possibly NOT have a big Christmas dinner?  Who cares about Thanksgiving by now? It was a month ago, and it was all about turkey. Christmas is a goose. And the side dishes are all different, too. Thank goodness we still go back to Iowa every other year.

Should the Christmas tree be real or artificial?

Karen: Real! It's better for the environment, too. Wood biodegrades.

Mark: Definitely. Once you've gone to fake trees, you're only one step away from having Twinkies for Christmas dinner.

Should you decorate outside your home, too?

Karen: Yes. I'm not a fan of giant blow-up Santas or huge manger scenes. But I love driving through decorated neighborhoods. My favorite this year: In Wilmette, Ill., the owner of one house rigged up 30,000 lights that blink and dance to 17 different Christmas tunes.

Mark: Sure, just keep it reasonable.  And don't keep trying to make me fix the light-up reindeer.  If I really liked them, I'd have repaired them last year.

Should you take down the Christmas tree on New Year's Day?

Karen: No. I never feel quite ready. I feel as though we can keep it up for the 12 days of Christmas (but no more).

Mark: It's fine to keep the tree up through the first of the year, or even through the 12 days of Christmas, but after that I'm ready to get our living room back.

Should present opening start at a specific time in the morning?

Karen: No. But as long as it's after 8 a.m., the first person to rise can get everyone else up.

Mark: The important thing is that no one other than parents (and that includes adults visiting their own parents) is allowed to go into the present zone (upstairs, downstairs, whatever) until everyone has been awakened and assembled in order of age, youngest first. Then you all have to troop down/up/in (in order of age) and start the opening (also in order of age). It absolutely has to be done that way.

For more stories about Christmas, read:

How to Bake the Best Christmas Cookies

How to be a Great Holiday Party Guest and Host

Exchanging Gifts with Family Members: How to Reduce the Angst

Christmas Thank You Notes

Postal Service Cutbacks and Your Family