Cutting School

Yesterday many California parents let their kids miss school for the San Francisco Giants' World Series victory parade. And tomorrow? Some hard-core horseracing fans will allow their offspring to blow off classes to see day one of the Breeders' Cup in Churchill Downs. After all, they reason, children aren't really neglecting the 3 R's. They're using math when they calculate payoffs and figure out how to bet a trifecta. And they're learning about history and animals when they visit the Kentucky Derby Museum, the Kentucky Horse Park, and nearby stud farms.

Is it all right to miss for a for a family affair, for a short trip, or for a "once-in-a-lifetime" vacation — but not for Disneyland? Here are some factors to consider:

Check your state's laws. In California, for example, a student who misses more than a half hour of instruction "without an excuse" three times during the school year is classified as a truant.

Talk to your principal. Is your child representing the United States? Gymnast Shawn Johnson attended public high school in West Des Moines, Iowa, but got permission to finish her day early and to miss class for major events. If your principal frowns on absences, and your family travels abroad often, you might want to consider private school, where the rules are often more flexible. "So much depends on the teachers and the schools' policies," says pediatrician William Coleman, emeritus professor at the University of North Carolina and co-author of Developmental-Behavioral Pediatrics. Be empathetic: often superintendents and state departments of education look at principals' attendance rates. If you're planning to be away for a long time, ask whether you and your child need to fill out an "extended absence" form. Your teen may need to get each teacher to sign his or her name and note current grades. Needless to say, principals are more open to absences by straight-A students than by failing ones.

Think about the reason for an absence. Is your trip truly educational or time sensitive? It's hard to say no to a chance to tour the White House — or to go to Paris with a grandma who is dying of cancer and can't wait for summer break. Regardless of the reason for a trip, many families decide that seeing Red Square in Russia is invaluable, even if it means spending days or even a couple weeks away from the classroom. Chicago mom Manisha Dayal is taking her kids out of school next month for a trip to India; last year the kids went to Turkey and Greece. "I do think it is a fantastic learning experience," she says.

Make sure your child doesn't fall behind. Before you head on the trip, ask teachers for homework. Assure them that your kids will finish all assignments and that you will offer tutoring help. Then honor your promise.

Ask if your child can share educational information after he returns. Perhaps he can take photos of the Grand Canyon, says Coleman.

Consider the lesson you're giving your child. "When you are, as a parent, approving an absence from school, you're sending a message to your child," says Dr. Mason Turner, chief of psychiatry for Kaiser Permanente in San Francisco. Ask yourself, "Would I miss work for this situation?" he says. "This is their job — going to school."

Think about whether the trip could wait for an official school holiday. "Plan family vacations during that vacation from school," says Turner. "Why not do it during spring break or summer break?"

Tell the school the truth. You don't want your child to need to pretend he was "sick." "As parents, we're modeling behavior," says Turner. "It's really important that you're modeling truthfulness and honesty to your kids." If your child learns that it's OK to lie to the principal, he may think it's all right to fib to you, too. "You want your kids to be honest with you about what they're doing," says Turner.

Find out why your child may want to stay home from school. Perhaps he is worried about being bullied or attacked. In the 12 months before the CDC's most recent Youth Risk Behavior Surveillance Survey, 7.7 percent of students nationwide had been threatened or injured with a weapon (such as a gun or knife) on school property. 

Consider how sick your child is. Illness is, of course, the classic reason students stay home. Some kids, though, want to avoid school because they fear failure or worry about attacks by a bully. See the American Academy of Pediatrics' "school avoidance" tip sheet. Interestingly, the AAP recommends that parents not keep kids home from school if they have head lice. Check government websites. During the swine flu outbreak, the U.S. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention recommended that infected Americans stay home and avoid contact with other people.

Be flexible about unusual situations. Did your house get skunked so your whole family stinks? Your kids may feel mortified if classmates smell them that day. The emotional distress may make it impossible for them to learn. Explain the situation to school officials, who may say it's a good idea to miss a day.