Divorce Diaries: 7 Life Lessons on Midlife Break-ups

Help, hope and healing for life before, during and after divorce

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Divorce Diaries: Help, hope and healing for life after divorce 

 

 

In so many ways all families deal with divorce. It's like categories of burns:

Third-Degree Divorce: You are an adult child of divorce who grew up to be a divorced parent (statistically speaking, you are far more likely to end up as the latter if you grew up as the former).

Second-Degree Divorce: You are either the child of divorce or you are an adult divorcee but not both.

First-Degree Divorce: Many or most of your family members and friends are divorced but you are not.

I write the series of posts titled "Divorce Diaries" to all of us, in all our relationships with the Big D: marriage and intimacy; dissolution and despair; relief and revenge; renewal and redemption. Whatever your connection is, however burned you are, here you'll find advice, solace, guidance and, ideally, hope.  

1. Top Truths

Even a good divorce takes you to bad places but you don't have to go with it. 

15 Tough Truths about Divorce

2. Top Tips 

For some, divorce inevitably will be ugly. But for others – while splitting up is a grief-filled experience full of genuine loss, regret and hardship – it also offers opportunities to redefine, remake and dramatically improve your relationship with your ex. Here are 10 Top Tips to protect and insulate your fragile peace and nurture your emerging new relationship...  

Can Divorce be the Best Part of Your Marriage? 10 Tips on remaining sane and humane

3. Sex

Divorce Sex: Naughty + Secret = HOT!!!

You see it on TV all the time – a divorced couple hopping into the sack for some afternoon delight . There's even a song devoted to divorce sex from the television show "Cougar Town," with the line: "It's the best….but you'll regret….sex with your ex….." The secrecy, the absurdity, the naughtiness is what makes it so hot! I conducted an informal survey and here's what I found... 

Sex with your Ex? Why Divorce Sex is so Good and so Bad 

4. Friends 

How divorce can kill friendships

 

Dividing everything up after the divorce-quake is a gruesome business no matter how amicable or reasonable or relieved you are. It's like watching yourself have surgery. Everything that ever mattered, every element of your existence is pulled out, shuffled around, placed on the table for you and your ex and your lawyers or whomever to paw through. First you officially dispense with the inner-ring: kids, house, all the crap in the house, something called assets (wish I had some of those) and the pets. Then there's this weird outer layer of life that's harder to quantify but often requires some cold, calculated Divorce Math. For example, what do you do with your friends? I have some ideas... 

Who Gets Custody of the Friends after Divorce

 

5. Internet Infidelity 

Old Flames on Facebook Wreck Marriages 

 6. Affair-proof Your Marriage

Tools to Detect Internet Infidelity   

 7. Tweet Revenge

Divorce lawyer study says Facebook is top choice for evidence in ugly divorces 

What you write, post, Tweet, re-Tweet, blog, Share and Tag can and will be used against you in Divorce Court. Social media and human idiocy have conspired yet again to create an even more cutting-edge way to be a jerk. But, as with all new technologies that cause despair, there is always an upside. If you happen to be divorcing such a jerk, you and your lawyer now have an explosive new weapon in your divorce arsenal.      

Facebook now a divorce lawyer's best weapon

 

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Anonymous | Apr 10, 2012
Interesting article! You point out some things most people never think about until it is brought to their attention. Thanks!
Anonymous | Apr 15, 2011
stop! remember your vows. look at your wedding video or pictures.
Anonymous | Apr 14, 2011
Wow! So Fresh. Going to share with all my friends struggling with this stuff. 42 and glad I'm not alone.
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