"Vanity, thy name is woman, " goes the misquoted Shakespearean line ( the actual word is "frailty). But are women more vain than men? Maybe not. Recently, on a mission of mercy, I accompanied my husband to see The Expendables 2. I'll save the review for another post, but the movie gave me quite an insight into male vanity.
The (main) stars are Stallone, Bruce Willis, Jean-Claude Van Damme, Chuck Norris and Dolph Lundgren. And really, if you could wring out all the Botox, Restylane and HGH from those guys, you could have a fountain of youth keg party. Surely Hollywood hair and makeup people understand the difference between camouflage and a fresh paint job, so it must be these actors insisting on a fresh paint job — replete with sanding, caulk, filler and primer.
To be fair, Bruce Willis gets cut the most slack. His hair was thinning way back in his Moonlighting days, and for a very long time, he's eschewed rugs or dye jobs and shaved his head. But Sly Stallone is 66 years old. And neither his head nor his beard showed a single silver thread among the black. How is this possible?
Ditto Ahhnold. But Ahhnold gets more points deducted because he not only dyes - obliterating any and all gray hair, he opts for that weird shade of orange rust favored by the bingo crowd. Only Irish Setters have that color.
Dolph Lundgren has the benefit of being blonde, so maybe his gray hair has not been tinted. I couldn't tell. A free pass for Dolph, too.
Van Damme's face was as smooth as a Mikimoto pearl, except for a lump on his forehead. Unless that was earned during a fight scene, I hope he's had it looked at by a physician. Like Sly and the Governator, the Muscles from Brussels showed nary a trace of gray in his hair. He's 52.
Jason Statham will be 45 in two weeks but he moves as if he's decades younger. And he does nothing to conceal his lack of hair. He's so impossibly macho, the lack of hair is barely noticeable.
Lastly, Chuck Norris. He's 72. Plenty of lines in his face, but his beard and hair are monochromatic. Another miracle, I guess.
So what do you think? Are women more vain? Or men?