Holiday Advice About Our Aging Parents, Grandparents and Pain

Holidays can be a time of great family fun and also of not-so-great family stress, depression and accidents. All of us caring for aging parents, grandparents or other relatives have stories of racing to the Emergency Room with a relative during the holidays. It's already a stressful, scary experience. A new study reminds us that it is even more important than ever that we serve as active advocates, as strong voices, for our elderly loved ones.

The New York Times reported this week in a story headlined: Disparities: In the E.R., the Elderly Get Less Pain Relief, that:

 "Older people who go to an emergency room in pain are less likely to get medication for it than younger people with similar levels of distress, a new analysis has found.

A seven-year nationwide study of emergency room patient data has found that 49 percent of patients over age 75 were given pain medication, compared with slightly more than 65 percent of those under age 75. The study, which included data on more than 88,000 emergency room visits, appeared online last month in Annals of Emergency Medicine."

Here's the study: Older US Emergency Department Patients Are Less Likely to Receive Pain Medication Than Younger Patients: Results From a National Survey

The experts speculate that maybe ER doctors are more concerned with diagnosis than pain control, or they don't want to immobilize or disorient the patients. Others are concerned about side effects. And then there are those who simply treat the symptom and not the person.

Why are aging patients in pain?

For whatever reason, our parents and grandparents are in more pain than they should be and are not being heard in the ER. This is, of course, part of two much larger trends colliding in our emergency rooms and hospitals: First, an increasing number of aging patients are entering the system and second, we have made great strides in pain management and there is an entire movement dedicated to why doctors must pay far more attention to patients' pain and how to effectively manage it.

Have 'The Talk' about senior healthcare issues this holiday

What does this mean for us at Thanksgiving? I think it means two things: First, we need to have open conversations with our aging family members to create an open line of communication about pain, pain levels, wishes for medical decisions and all of those other hard but essential conversations we need to have.

Many of our elderly relatives don't want to be a burden or want to be stoic for a wide range of noble reasons. BEFORE anything happens we must sit down with them and tell them we need accurate information to take good care of them, to advocate for them, to keep them safe.

Come up with a signal or code word they can say if they're in distress but can't communicate or for whatever reason they don't want to talk in front of the doctor. Keep reassuring them you're on their side and will not be angry if they admit their pain levels.

 The bottom line is, if the doctors are not listening closely enough, it's up to us to be the clear, loud voice of our aging loved ones.  

Read more about caring for aging parents here:

How to Protect Seniors Who Are at the Highest Risk for Medical Errors

How To Survive in 'Sick-Land'

I Hate Doctors, Except Maybe This One