Home Alone

In "Risky Business," Tom Cruise drinks alcohol, drives his dad's Porsche, and calls up a prostitute when his parents go on a trip. In "Home Alone," Macaulay Culkin must fend off burglars when his family accidentally leaves him behind. To prevent these movie scenarios from becoming your reality, take appropriate steps before your leave kids or grandkids on their own.

1. Be realistic about your child. It's impossible to prescribe a universal "home alone" age. "Youngsters develop at different rates," says child psychiatrist Elizabeth Berger, author of Raising Kids with Character. "Parents should ask themselves how trustworthy, hard working and reliable the teenager seems to be and whether there is a history of impulsive or foolish decisions in the youngster's recent past which suggest that that steadying presence of an adult is still necessary." 

2. Know the law. Many states set minimum ages. (See latchkey-kids.com.) Illinois defines a neglected minor as a child under 14 left without adult supervision "for an unreasonable period of time without regard for the mental or physical health, safety or welfare of that minor."

3. Prepare for emergencies. Keep your cell phone on. And post numbers for neighbors, police, fire and poison control (800-222-1222). Review the stop, drop, and roll fire guidelines. Ideally, also make sure your child knows which friendly adult neighbor to contact, if need be. Will this neighbor have a key if your child gets locked out? Safety-proof your house, especially if an older child is babysitting younger ones. Toddlers may ingest household cleaning products. Check the American Association of Poison Control Centers' list of poisonous materials, including mouthwash, batteries, and weed killers.

4. Limit your time away. Many parents agree that kids ages 12, 13, and 14 are mature enough to be on their own and to baby sit—but for hours, not days. "These expectations of the ordinary strength of character displayed by teenagers are longstanding and standard aspects of American culture, as well as most parts of the world," says Berger. Still, don't overdo it. If you frequently cannot be home, look into after-school programs at places like the YMCA. Slowly and gradually work up to more time alone. "Many 10-year-olds may ride the bus alone to attend sports practice or music lessons. A 12-year-old may spend several hours alone during daylight while the parents run errands," says Berger. "The success with these small and gradual steps is a useful clue for parents that the youngster can safely handle increasing responsibility."

5. Explain basic do's and don't's. Set rules for watching TV, using the internet, and talking on the phone. Make sure your child calls you when she gets home from school. For help, see sites for medical associations such as the American Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry and the American Academy of Pediatrics.

6. Build trust. Communicate honestly with each other. "The teen's job is to build trust to be given more freedom," says pediatrician Michelle Barratt, professor of pediatrics at the University of Texas at Houston,  a former member of the AAP's committee on adolescence—and the mother of five kids (ages 9, 16, 17, 19 and 22). "Even the very best teen can be tempted."

7. Spell out who can visit. "Establish who actually is and isn't allowed in the home," says Barratt. "It should never be a mixed couple with no supervision, even if they are 'platonic' friends." Err on the safe side. "Two warm bodies in the same room is a way to end up with a grandchild," says Barratt. (Nationwide, 46 percent of high school students have had sexual intercourse, according U.S. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention's Youth Risk Behavior Surveillance survey.)

8. Lock up alcohol. State laws vary, but parents can suffer legal and financial consequences if they allow underage drinking on their property. Make sure your kids know what they are. In Virginia, parents may be held responsible if someone, as a result of alcohol use, sexually assaults someone, dies from drinking too much or injuries, or kills anyone while driving after leaving the party. In California, teens who drink may lose their driver's licenses. (Nationwide, 24.2 percent of high school students had had five or more drinks of alcohol within a couple of hours on at least one day during the 30 days before they completed the CDC's Youth Risk Behavior Surveillance Survey.)

9. Prevent access to guns. Ideally, remove weapons from your home. If you are among the more than 44 million Americans who own firearms, keep them unloaded and separate from ammunition. See the American Academy of Pediatrics' guidelines for gun safety. Even if your house is gun-free, your child's peers may pack their own heat: during the 30 days before the CDC's survey, 17 percent of students had carried a weapon at least once.

10. Make sure your child is OK with being alone. Some kids get scared. Check Department of Children and Family Services guidelines. In a publication called "Preparing Children to Stay Alone," the Illinois DCFS, for example, recommends that kids "indicate a desire and willingness to stay alone." Know that everyone is different. "It [being left home alone] depends on the child, the relationship of child and parent, the neighborhood, available supports, duration, purpose, and return hour," says Dr. Joseph Hagan, former chair of the American Academy of Pediatrics' committee on psychosocial aspects of child and family health and co-editor of the AAP's Bright Futures: Guidelines for Health Supervision of Infants, Children, and Adolescents. In the end, you may decide to stay home.