Letting Go at the College Gates

Your little baby has suddenly turned into a college student. He or she is probably ready and raring to go. Are you the one dragging your feet?

Colleges have found that our generation of parents tend to be a lot more clingy — and many have launched interventions, according to the New York Times.  

When University of Minnesota freshmen move in at the end of this month, parental separation will be a little sneakier: mothers and fathers will be invited to a reception elsewhere so students can meet their roommates and negotiate dorm room space — without adult meddling.

… Formal "hit the road" departure ceremonies are unusual but growing in popularity, said Joyce Holl, head of the National Orientation Directors Association. A more common approach is for colleges to introduce blunt language into drop-off schedules specifying the hour for last hugs. As of 5:30 p.m. on Sept. 11, for example, the parents of Princeton freshmen learn from the move-in schedule, "subsequent orientation events are intended for students only."

Don't let the college drop-off turn into an embarrassing and emotional ordeal for you or your kid. Here are some tips for saying good-bye and letting go.

Bond with the grown-ups. Even if your freshman is feeling a little tentative, she needs to be able to meet her roommate and classmates as a peer. Instead of locking your gaze on her, look around for other parents to make chit-chat with.

Go to the parent events. If your child's university offers special programs for parents, make sure to attend them. All of them. These events will not only give your kid a little breathing room, they will also give you good information about the school and its students that can go a long way toward easing your mind.

Go ahead and cry. It's natural to feel plenty of emotion at this turning point for you and your child. Of course, turn down the volume if you feel yourself going over the edge, but otherwise, it's fine to let your true emotions show. For one thing, you're modeling for your child that it's okay to have strong emotions and that they don't keep you from doing what you have to do. Also, even if he rolls his eyes while you cry, it's reassuring and lets him know that you do love him.

Plan your exit strategy. Short-circuit any desire to hang around by making specific plans to be elsewhere. If the school is more than a couple of hours from your home, book a room at a bed and breakfast — not in the college town. Buy tickets for a play, make reservations for dinner at a fancy restaurant, anything that requires you to be someplace else.

Get busy. Once you're home, don't mope. Take advantage of the extra time by taking a class, getting more exercise, or going to the movies.