I think we've all gotten enough distance from the Obama inaugural to finally discuss the true news bombshell we were all talking about during the presidential inaugural week: First Lady Michelle Obama's bangs. Enough time has gone by; our shock diminished enough for us to finally have a calm, reasoned discussion about the most important issue facing all American women: FLOTUS GOT BANGS!!!
They say a woman's bangs are a window into her soul. Well, maybe it's just me who says it. But I can't be wrong because a certain segment of the American population has been going crazy over the First Bangs – revealed by First Lady Michelle Obama during this week's presidential inaugural ceremony and festivities.
Am I right? Let's be honest – we were all aflutter:
SHE GOT BANGS!!! What do we think? Love how they frame her face. Should I get bangs? Are they in her eyes? Uch, she's going to have to get them cut like every other day. Every time I get bangs I regret it, then grow them out into the dreaded "in-between phase," where you can't go back but it's torture while you wait for them to grow out.
And it wasn't just regular folks like us who couldn't get enough of Michelle Obama's haircut. She announced it on her Twitter feed. The media folks went nuts, too.
National treasure: Michelle Obama's hair
The headlines from around the globe shrieked:
Michelle Obama's Bangs Are A Total Shock To The System (PHOTO)
Breaking: Michelle Obama Has Bangs! - The Daily Beast
Michelle Obama's birthday: New Twitter, new bangs - Washington Post
Michelle Obama shows off new hairstyle: bangs
To Discuss: Michelle Obama's Birthday Bangs - The Cut
Michelle Obama Debuts Bangs (PHOTO) - Gossip Cop
Michelle Obama has another new hairstyle - with bangs
Bangs for her birthday! Michelle Obama debuts new blunt hairstyle ...
What is it about bangs that make us so crazy? Why do they command so much attention and cause so much distress?
I believe it's because we all have experienced some kind of hair trauma and more often than not, it had to do with somebody cuttin' your bangs too short and along with that clump of hair that fell to the salon floor, so went your self-esteem.
Women with bangs
Bad bangs are one of the most horrifying hair traumas because they are literally in your face all the time. You cannot escape the maddening truth of them, right there, staring back at you from their mocking perch mid-way down your forehead.
And you know they'll grow back. And you know it's goofy to feel so devastated and ugly just because of some dumb bangs, but there you are. Ruins your day. Bad hair days can ruin your day and bad bangs can ruin the days it takes for them to grow back.
And that's another thing. You ask your friends and family if it's really that noticeable, is it that bad? And everybody says: "Don't worry, they'll grow back so fast." Which, of course, is shorthand for: "Yes, they are as bad as you fear. Let's cancel our weekly lunch date until they grow back."
Read my bangs
My ex-husband used to say he'd know exactly what my mood would be the moment he saw my bangs. If I'd just cut them, which I tend to do when I'm stressed, he knew to run for the hills. They're like a neon sign announcing my mood. He noted it was a good thing I came with what he called "a warning label."
Michelle Obama's bangs provide a national role model
Bangs are one of life's triggers for many women. Just like our bodies, and our weight. It's just a fact. So it didn't surprise me that our First Lady, who has taken on obesity and body image as her most passionate cause, took the public plunge and got bangs. Michelle Obama looks stunning in anything, and so, of course her haircut on inauguration day looked spectacular: the bangs were flowing and soft, just the right length, not too long, not in her eyes, not too short. Let's face it. FLOTUS rocked the perfect bangs, setting a national style standard - yet again - to which we can all aspire. Now if we could all have her perfectly toned arms, too.....
