Rihanna and Chris Brown: What's the Deal?

While there are infinitely more important matters - Mid-east violence, $4 a -gallon gas and unrelenting unemployment, the blogosphere is crackling with the alleged Rihanna/Chris Brown reunion.

 Well, the musical reunion is no allegation - they have recorded on each other's new songs. Which led to the speculation that they are again romantically involved. That would require a pretty elastic definition of the word romance, as most women would be disinclined to consider anything romantic about being choked and having her face beaten purple. It was just three years ago that the Bajan beauty had to cancel her Grammy appearance because of the battering she sustained from Brown. He was arrested and pleaded guilty to felony assault and is still on probation. Not a pretty story, but certainly not an unfamiliar one - or is it?

Countless women suffer domestic abuse, and they nearly always fit a certain profile. Often they put up with it because they endured it from abusive parents - and nearly always, they believe they have nowhere to go, and cling to the desperate hope that this time will be the last time.

Of course, a superstar like Rihanna hardly fits that profile. With her vast resources, she need not ever share even a zip code with Chris Brown. (When Tina Turner finally left Ike, she had 36 cents and a gasoline credit card - and nothing else.) Rihanna could have a phalanx of body guards and revolving restraining orders until Brown is too old to walk. So why would she record songs with someone who used her face as a punching bag?

Some surmise it was a stunt by recording companies to goose sales. Doesn't seem too likely. At Rihanna's level of success, artists of far greater stature than Chris Brown would trip over themselves to record with her.

Let's hope the speculations are wrong. I don't believe any abuser should ever be given a second chance.

 But what do men think? I asked my husband, Larry, to weigh in:

I'd absolutely agree. Especially when you look into the details of the Rihanna/Chris Brown mess. The moment it became public, Brown hired a crisis management team that went into five alarm spin control. There were mea culpa videos —  carefully crafted apologies (including the expected "I, too, was abused" excuse), art-directed TV appearances (Larry King), even a statement from Brown's mommy, attesting that he "has never, ever been a violent person, ever" — to tranquilize a furious public and fan base.

Then, in March of 2011, after a Good Morning America appearance where he was asked about the Rihanna restraining order, Brown went ballistic in his dressing room, damaging a window. An angry exchange with a segment producer and security people led to Brown removing his shirt (never explained - was his spindly 153 -pound physique intended to intimidate?) as he left the building. This may have told us all we need to know about Brown. Sounds like he needs a Parris Island drill instructor to teach him a few things about manhood.

But here's something to consider - what if the roles were reversed and Rihanna had assaulted Brown? Would it have ever made the 6 o'clock news? Probably not.

 Female on male domestic violence is far more prevalent than one would imagine. The fact of the matter is - people - not only men - can be violent. But when a man is abused by a woman, the shame and humiliation virtually guarantees his silence. I've known three male friends who were victims of spousal abuse. All three marriages ended in divorce, led up to by a succession of split lips, clawed faces and sutured scalps, falsely ascribed to misplaced door jambs, angry calicos and hurtling baseballs.  Women drink, do drugs and lose their temper, just like men. But when they hurt someone, the injured guy usually says nothing.

An astonishing 41% of marital homicides result in a dead husband. Even the U.S. Government needs to rethink the issue... why the US Office On Violence Against Women? Why not simply an Office On Violence?

But it's really not surprising, given the flippant attitude about female-on-male violence across all media. Commercials, TV sitcoms and movies regularly depict angry girlfriends and wives savagely slapping the faces of their sub-human boyfriends and husbands. When a woman is a victim of violence, it's an outrage and a social malady. When it's a man - it's funny... right? Just ask Phil Hartman.