What to Give Up For Lent This Season (And it's Not Dessert!)

 Today marks the beginning of Lent, the forty days before Easter where Christians—especially Catholics—try to abstain from earthly pleasures. If you're around Catholics today you're sure to hear the impressive lists of things they will definitely be doing without for the next six weeks! I bet it sounds something like this: "No booze for me." "I'm not having any desserts—except fruit." "No caffeine at all." "My family won't be watching any television." "I refuse to even look at my computer for the next forty days."

Then in a few days (probably tomorrow), these lists are amended. Instead of all booze, it becomes Ratzeputz (it's an obscure German liquor). Instead of all ice cream, it becomes rum raisin or ox tongue (and yes, Google it, ox tongue is a real flavor). And instead of giving up all television, it becomes a specific program like say, Nancy Grace. (Actually, if you really want to suffer, you should force yourself to watch Nancy Grace during Lent).

I should know. As a youngster, I always had lofty Lenten goals. I'd give up all candy. Then when I'd succumb to the temptation of an Atomic Fireball or a Tootsie Roll, I'd switch over to gum. And when I couldn't resist a big juicy piece of Bazooka, I'd narrow my focus to all sugar-free gum. No Dentyne for me this season! Aren't I just a model of will power?

But really, what's the point of giving something up unless you're actually helping someone else. So here's my list of things YOU should give up to help make the world better:

1. Don't talk loudly on your cell phone. It's an obvious one, I know. You'd think by now it wouldn't happen anymore, but it still does. All the time. Didn't everyone get the memo that the person on the other end can hear you just fine if you speak in your "indoor" voice?
2. And whether you're ordering a coffee or buying groceries or really doing anything else, do you need to be having a conversation on your phone? It's so annoying to those around you, plus I can't imagine the person on the other end wants their conversation interrupted by a decaf nonfat latte with no foam.
3. Maybe I'm not the most fascinating person in the world, but if we're having a chat, do you really have to text other people during it? How about just giving up texting all together for Lent?
4. If you're going to pay by check, you really shouldn't be in the express lane at the grocery store. I'd rather have someone go way over the limit and pay with a credit card, than have someone with one item pay with a check. How about no check writing at any place of business?
5. And for that matter, you had to beat me to the line, but now you're paying with exact change! At least have your money ready. Don't start digging through your purse for some pennies.
6. Must you post everything you are doing on Facebook? Why must I know what articles you are reading? It's never anything impressive. I have a friend "Sheila" who would never admit to reading celebrity gossip. But I learned the other day that she's devoured every article written that covers the state of Will and Jada's marriage. I doubt she knows this is being posted for all to see, but it was shocking to me! It's like I don't even know her! I had no idea she was so interested in Will and Jada. Actually, I should just give up Facebook all together. I don't want to know my friends this well!
7. Please don't take two parking spots. I fantasize about keying your car when you do that. Maybe I should give up fantasizing about keying cars for Lent.
8. And, if you missed the parking spot because you were too busy chatting on your cell, it's not yours anymore. It's mine. Don't start backing up like you still own the rights to it just because you drove past it first. I will not back down on this, so don't threaten to rear end me. I might just let you.
9. How about get in the left lane at a light if you're not going to turn right?
10. There are four seats at the table and you're alone. Can't you sit at a table for two? And you wonder why you're alone!

Happy abstaining!