What Kind of Affair Do You Want?

Although the doctor's thoughts could have been worded better, I think is clear: Unless you test the boundaries of your relationship from time-to-time, you'll never be able to know it's strength. If a mere passerby in the street can divert my attention from my partner, that says something; that I find other people attractive.  Big deal, that's life, we're animals.  If she doesn't like it and I persist in her company, that's another thing, but looking is always normal. If I'm married, have an affair, and deliberately, soberly, continue with it, that says something too.  It says the marriage is weak.  It says that the couple doesn't have what it takes for the long haul.  If they did, they'd take time to learn more about each other, do more with each other, and keep life interesting.   That shouldn't be hard between two people who are capable of spending their lives together. And note that I said 'capable' and not 'meant'. Because, really, it's a matter of compatibility, not some romantic notion like fate. Also, why do people feel that marriage holds the connotation of monogamy? I'll tell you why, because the origin of American marriage is Puritan in nature, and that's what they believed.  Somehow, it's pervaded to this day. It doesn't need to be this way. The divorce rate of couples in England and Europe is far less.  It's also well-known that they have a more vibrant swinger culture, and are more accepting to the idea of open marriages. Interesting correlation ... Finding a soul-mate whose company you can enjoy for the majority of you life is what we all want, and THAT is possible.   However, finding one person that you're going to want to have sex with for the majority of your life? THAT is unreasonable.   It's not how we're genetically programmed, and goes against our primal instincts to propagate. I'd argue that two soul-mates who understand this and allow one-another to, occasionally, mingle with other members of the opposite sex on a purely physical basis, will have a far healthier relationship. Now, if they end up meeting someone else who attracts their emotional and psychological attention, that could endanger their relationship. But sex, plain, simple, physical sex without attachments, is something we need, and want to do often with various partners.  This urge can't be erased and, if suppressed, just causes more problems. Look up the work by Dr. Kinsey, or just see his movie, for a real comprehensive and professional approach. I can tell you, though, from personal experience — this really can work!

Sorry, Anonymous, that your first comment wasn't published. Let me assure you that it was not because it "didn't make the cut." It must have been a technical glitch; we only unpublish comments that are explicitly offensive or off-topic. Genuine and constructive criticism is always welcome.

I'll try this again, since it seems my last attempt at commenting didn't make the cut. What exactly passes as an education in psychology nowadays? Sniffing the wind to decide what the majority thinks is morally acceptable? People become more "honest" "courageous" and "healthier" through lying to their spouses and families? And most likely, lying to some 'other' person as well as themselves? Has this culture really degraded to the point where our best ethical standards are now at the level of logical reasoning and actions one would expect from 14 year-old mall brats? It's now passe to call anything wrong. The only point that counts is whether everyone's doing it. Welcome to eighth grade recess, everyone. Commonly known as the late great USA.

Well, the title was supposed to be ironic. I do think it's a good thing that we're taking a broader and more nuanced look at marital infidelity. It takes two to do this tango, and simply calling it wrong doesn't change how often it happens. I think it's especially easy for the "other woman" to believe that she's not having an "affair" but rather that she's in love with someone who is in love with her, too — especially if she's younger and not so experienced. It's difficult for a lonely single woman to understand the depth of a marriage and how it is about more than two people sleeping together. Honestly, I agree with you that most of the responsibility falls on the man who breaks his marriage vows.

As one who has been betrayed by her "husband" of 22 years for a younger married "women" I hope she learns from this experience. Yes, I like to clue her husband in, yes I love to have a chat with her. She has partnered in changing my lie and my children's lives forever. I hope she spends her days looking over her shoulder wondering if I'll contact her husband..its easy to meet someone with new technology and very easy to locate someone. But it's really not about her..it wouldn't giver her that sense of power..it him..his weakness..his life story. In the end, his isolation. I may be older, but I'm much stronger and I sleep well at night with no need to look over my shoulder.

Is there a point to this article? Random typing? The headline in particular is not what I'd expect to find under the heading "FAMILY GOES STRONG"