What Mom Really Wants: Witness Protection Mother's Day Getaway

What do we really want for Mother's Day?

Don't get me wrong. We love the flowers and the sweet cards, the half-raw pancakes in bed. We do. But if you asked all of the wrung out, stressed out, freaked out, overbooked, overwhelmed, overworked, sleep-deprived, multitasked-out Mothers I know – what do you really want?

The answer: Time alone.  

This week we're all facing this question:

"Hey, what do you really want to do for Mother's Day?" Always followed by: "Breakfast in bed? Flowers? Take the kids somewhere special? Big, belching, blurching brunch?"

As tempting as it is to swan dive one's head into an icy glass bowl of chilled, peeled shrimp, we all know our dirty little secret. We all know what, deep down, we want.  Look, we adore our families and would do anything for them. In fact we do. Anything. For. Them. Every single day.

So on our day, just that one little day, Calgon...Take Me Away.

Everybody I love who depends on me to be unshakeable, available, on the ball, on the go, makin' the bacon-fryin' it up in the panning, "the world's best finder," if you're really asking about my dream gift.  

Solitude.

To go where absolutely nobody knows my name.

To have somebody who loves me and has great credit pay for me to go away for a night to a place with a King-size bed, mattress programmably firm but with pillow-top;   Oprah's favorite 1200-thread-count Egyptian cotton sheets; all the pillows I can eat; a Jacuzzi tub, fireplace; a view of some large body (not mine) of water; 24/7 celebrity-chef room service delivered like prison meals - silent, through the slot, no communicado. No massages or mani's or pedi's because they require human interaction. I want no interaction. No phones. No texting. No access. 

I WANT TO BE NOBODY'S EMERGENCY CONTACT.

Witness Protection Mother's Day Weekend Special: $XXX
 

Mental health benefits to Mothers and their families everywhere: Priceless