What Your Vegan Guests Won't Tell You

For the majority of Americans, the winter holidays mean: Time for meat! But a growing number of us have eschewed flesh for religious, health or moral reasons. If you're a committed carnivore who's hosting vegetarians or vegans, it's tempting to say, "Let them eat string beans."

But, remember: 'Tis also the season for spreading love and good cheer.

"We have worked hard to teach our children to take the high road. Just when they exhibit that they've learned the lesson — deciding to become a vegan or vegetarian as a stand against cruelty to animals — we too often abandon them," says Janet DeGras. "Think of this as an opportunity to demonstrate that we can practice the 'respect one another' that we preach."

DeGras, 56, decided to go vegetarian three years ago when she was experiencing health issues. Her family is  a blend of vegans, vegetarians, and omnivores, none of whom like to be treated as a second fiddle.

So DeGras wrote Mosaic Meals: Bringing Vegans, Vegetarians, and Omnivores Together, a cookbook that includes not only recipes but also etiquette tips.

She and her daughter, Katherine Kidd, also put together a guide for hosts to create a more welcoming environment for guests.

Here are some things your vegan guests wish you knew but are too polite to tell you:

• Although I'm happy to share my dinner with anyone who wants to try it, please do not say, "This would be better" with butter, cheese, chicken, etc. Such statements just show me that you've totally missed the point.
•  If you are curious about my choice in diet, please ask me serious, respectful questions after dinner has been cleared. I don't want to appear ungrateful to the host, nor do I want to get into discussions about my reasons for being vegan in the middle of the meal. There is much more depth to this issue than is outwardly apparent, and it is important to note that tempers tend to run hotter while people are eating the subject in question.
• Please don't ask me, "How can you possibly be getting enough protein?" As long as people eat a variety of vegetables, legumes, and grains, we get all the proteins our bodies require. In fact, most meat-eaters get too much protein, often leading to such health problems as kidney stones and colon cancer.
• You are not amusing when you confess to "sneaking" a little butter or chicken broth into the food you served me. You have breached my trust and I will not eat with you again.
• No, I don't want a bite of your steak. I've heard this one before and it still isn't funny. Not making a rude comment back at you takes a huge amount of energy that I'd rather use enjoying humor not made at anyone's expense.
• Nothing gives me more of a sense of belonging than sharing a vegan meal with friends and not making an issue of it. It makes me feel like you care about me a lot and support my choice in this issue. Thank you.