Every now and then I catch myself wondering if my ex-wife and I made the right decision by separating.
To be sure, there were plenty of reasons for us to split. We didn't seem to be getting along and were only going through the motions.
And we didn't seem to have much in common any more. She wanted to stay in, and I wanted to go out. She was caught up in her work, and I had gotten to that stage in life where work was not as important as spending time with family.
Still, despite the fact that we're no longer living together, I wonder if the choices we're now making are correct, or even remotely close.
I sometimes get the feeling that we didn't try hard enough to make it work.
It seems as if we were two boats passing each other in the night without seeing each other. When she was trying hard, I didn't understand what she was doing. And when I started trying hard, she had already given up.
I now find myself doing things around the house that maybe I should have done years ago, like repairing the broken banister on the stairs and replacing the toilet seats. I've even gone out and bought new living room furniture, something my former soul mate starting asking for about five years ago. If I had done these things earlier, would the marriage have been saved?
And then I realize that these cosmetic changes probably wouldn't have led to a different ending for us but only delayed the inevitable because they would have only resulted in temporary happiness.
As a parent, you can't ever regret getting married because the union resulted in your kids, and your kids are worth anything.
And if you cared about the person you were married to, you should be filled with regret and angst when it doesn't work out. Feeling remorse and wondering about why it didn't work is natural because a divorce leads to low self-esteem, I'm told. Eventually, I'm told, I will get over it.
Everybody makes bad decisions. I hope I've learned from mine and can move forward.
Next Up: Splitting Things Up
Just joining Chris' story? Check out what you've missed here:
Chapter 1: Out of the Blue
Chapter 2: The Fear of Being Lonely
Chapter 3: Telling the Kids