When Many Generations Share the Same Roof

Remember your first apartment? The first house you owned? Part of the joy was being independent, free of adult supervision for perhaps the first time in your life. There's a certain irony to that perspective now, as more and more of us make room for mom or dad.

Two trends are fueling this resurgence of multi-generational living. The first is the recession, of course. With money tight, many families are finding that the most economical way to care for aging parents is at home, where it's easier to watch over them. In a recent survey of its sales agents, Coldwell Banker found that almost 70 percent believed that economic conditions were likely to push the demand for housing that could accommodate everyone from grandparents to adult kids who haven't yet made it in the job market.

The other driving force is a growing recognition of the many ways that multiple generations can help each other when they live together. The youngest members of the family can get extra attention from another set of adults while the oldest have more potential caregivers if their health fails.

But living together is not without pitfalls. Here's a summary of some tips from AARP.org:

• Communicate regularly so the whole family understands each other's expectations.
• Make sure everyone has some private space, a personal refuge.
• Let grandparents live as independently as possible; they need to feel involved with the world outside the family.
• Have set family routines, including mealtimes and quality one-on-one time with kids.
• Allow grandparents and grandchildren to bong without unnecessary intervention from the middle generation (that's us).
• Speaking of being in the middle, make sure that doesn't become a no-man's land, where you end up trying to please everyone but yourself. Get plenty of exercise and rest and seek outside support if the burdens become too great.
• Let everyone be themselves and don't expect any overnight personality makeovers. We are who we are, even when we move into a new house.
• Have fun. Multigenerational households can be complicated, but the rewards often far outweigh the difficulties. You are building a lifetime of memories. Treasure them.