Telemarketers are relentless about targeting older people. But healthy seniors are actually quite savvy about detecting scams. If your mom or dad has gotten snookered, it may be a sign of dementia.
"All of us are exposed to scams all the time, and we keep a registry in our brains of suspicious things. To keep track of them and remember what to do requires memory and attention. If memory is impaired, it might make you fall for one of those more easily," says Valerie Stone, PhD, a neuroscience researcher on brain-based disabilities.
By contrast, her research has found that in healthy aging, older people were actually less likely to fall for scams. "There really is something to the connection between aging and wisdom," says Stone, who now works at Answers About Competency, a firm that does advocacy and education.
Dementia is a frightening word, and one you probably shouldn't use when talking with your parents. Clinicians use it to differentiate from healthy aging, in which it's normal for the brain's processing speed to slow down a bit. Dementia is the result of some kind of disease process, which could be Alzheimer's or stroke.
If you're worried about your parents' ability to manage their money or their lives, the first step is a trip to their doctor, who may recommend an evaluation by a neurologist. A general practictioner should be able to administer some simple tests for memory and cognitive function. Stone advises you to make sure that the doctor also take a close look at the medication regime. Some seniors are on a dozen or more pills a day; if they get confused and miss a dose or take double, it could affect their attention and alertness.
The doctor should also check for vitamin B deficiency, Stone says. Dehydration can cause confusion, while depression can take away the desire to keep on top of things.
If you do see signs of loss of competency that can't be fixed, she recommends that you begin to take over gradually and with sensitivity. In an article on her website, she writes,
There is always a balance to be struck between protecting the autonomy of someone with dementia, and protecting their financial assets. Besides a full power of attorney arrangement, there are other guardianship arrangements the courts can decide on. Balanced solutions may include, for example, allowing an individual to make their own financial decisions up to a certain dollar amount, but requiring the consent of a guardian for financial decisions involving larger amounts.
It's a difficult transition for both of you, but cooperating to take care of the finances can also bring you together in a new way.