My daughters, now 12 and nearly 15, knew something was different on September 11, 2001, because I came home early – very early. At the time, I was a Newsweek correspondent working out of the 80-story Aon Center (the second-tallest building in Chicago). Not surprisingly, given the World Trade Center-like size and look of the place, management told everyone to leave.
Like other Newsweek correspondents, I immediately pitched in (800 miles from ground zero) and contributed to a story called "The Toll on Our Psyche." The "America Under Attack" extra edition – an advertisement-free, photo-filled issue — still sits in our family's magazine rack. I always kept it there so that the girls could look through it, and ask questions, when and if they wanted to.
Talk – but don't preach
Still, on the 10th anniversary of the terrorist attacks that killed 2,753 people at the World Trade Center, I'm not sure how much, or how little, to bring up the topic with my kids. They don't seem as interested these days. "I kind of know about it already," says my 12-year-old. "It's sad."
Experts say not to push conversations about 9/11. "For kids, it may be ancient history, like talking about Pearl Harbor or V-J day," says psychiatrist Mary Alice O'Dowd, director of psychosomatic medicine in the department of psychiatry and behavioral science at Montefiore Medical Center.
If your children have questions, answer them, says O'Dowd. "I'd try to reassure them that in this world, bad things can happen. We do our best to prevent them. That's why we have police. That's why we have an army." (The American Academy of Pediatrics suggests reassuring kids by telling them what their families, schools, and government officials do to keep them safe.)
You might also seize the opportunity to talk to your kids about your views. For example, this week I interviewed a Stanford history professor, Priya Satia, whose 3-year-old son is on a Department of Homeland Security blacklist because of his name, Kabir (Arabic for "great"). She explains to her older child that bad people killed innocent ones. But she also talks about how she thinks the U.S. response led to hurt feelings and to a cycle of retribution and violence.
Risky business
Put dangers into perspective. You might chat with your kids about how they're more likely to get hurt by driving with drunk friends or not wearing a seatbelt than by running across a terrorist. According to the U.S. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention's Youth Risk Behavior Surveillance Survey of high school students nationwide, 84.7 percent rarely or never wore a bike helmet and 9.7 percent rarely or never wore a seat belt when they were passengers. In the 30 days before the survey, 28.3 percent of students had ridden in a car piloted by someone who had been drinking alcohol.
Prepare for the worst, and hope for the best
September 11 happens to fall in National Preparedness Month. For it, the American Academy of Pediatrics suggests monitoring kids' exposure to traumatic images and putting together a family disaster kit. Good items to include: a battery-powered radio, flashlights, extra batteries, a first-aid kit, a month's supply of prescription medications, photocopies of prescriptions, personal identification, a spare set of car keys, matches in a waterproof container, three gallons of water per person, and 10 cans of food per person. Concrete action can make everyone feel better.
For more on talking to your kids about disasters, read:
On Bombing in Libya and Earthquakes and Radiation in Japan: Should a Mom Be Mum?
For more on family safety, read: