Jane Fonda strode briskly onto the stage of 92Y and quickly confessed, "I'm a virgin."
It's hard to say what made a more immediate impression, her svelte black-suit clad figure (much smaller in person) with shimmering shell and sparkling lariat necklace, or the brightness of her speech, easy humor and absolute candor.
Looking blonder than she's been in recent months, Jane Fonda overrode her entrance applause to blurt out, vis-a-vis the "virgin" comment, that she's never given a speech about her book before.
In truth, I had expected a conversation, as I've seen so many times on the 92Y stage: Tom Brokaw with Simon Schama, Sarah Jessica Parker with Leonard Lopate, Helen Mirren and Taylor Hackford, etc.
But in perfect symbolism, on the first day of the launch of her new book, Prime Time (Random House), Jane Fonda stood at the podium alone, fully shouldering responsibility for her latest endeavor.
Except, she'd forgotten her reading glasses. Chuckles of recognition rippled through the crowd of mostly "third age" women and men. She grinned as she admitted that during the course of composing the book on her laptop, she'd gone from a size 14 font to size 18.
Although her speech was penned, she extemporized easily and often on all the ways she has arrived at her new-found place of peace, wisdom, and happiness.
What is the Third Act?
"I'm not immune to aging," Jane Fonda admitted. "I've got a fake knee and a fake hip…" but she also noticed she was happier in the decade between 60 and 70. Perhaps because she suggested, it's much easier being "inside oldness, as opposed to looking at it from the outside."
At 73, Jane Fonda defines the third age in terms of a play's acts; the Third Act starts at 60 – when Acts 1 and 2 start to hang together and it all begins to make sense, if you're lucky. But you have a little work to do to get there in style and with serenity.
Picasso was right, she quipped,
'It takes a long time to become young.'"
How To Do a Life Review
When she was 59 and married to 3rd husband Ted Turner (her "favorite ex-husband"), it dawned on Jane Fonda that she only had a year before the beginning of her third act.
I didn't want to be like Christopher Columbus: He didn't know where he was going; he didn't know where he was when he got there; he didn't know where he'd been when he got back!"
Fonda explained that our thought patterns get into ruts (neural pathways) that are so entrenched they can be tough to change, but there are ways: cognitive therapy, meditation, a life review.
But you've got to dig deep to arrive at the wisdom and freedom on the other side. Explore your parents, and their parents. Excavate.
It's not having experiences that make you wise, it's reflecting on those experiences."
The key? "Do it with a forgiving heart."
Known and Yet Not Known
Jane Fonda copped to her "rap" as being only a reflection of whatever man she was with; that "there was no there there." Although I'd never heard this about her, had you? But I don't think it's so far afield from many women's experience.
Although we think of her as always being famous, beginning with being Henry Fonda's daughter, she felt insecure and apologetic.
She recalled "coming up" with Warren Beatty, but whereas he was very methodical about his career path, she felt like "I didn't have the right to say no."
Determined to discover her own authenticity "if there was any", she set about on a course of research and review, reading Harvard studies, scientific data on aging, interviewing nonagenarians and older…
Boomers and seniors are Pioneers in this new landscape of aging…. We don't have a road map."
Essential Ingredients
For her book, she identified 11 essential ingredients that make for a vibrant Third Age, such as:
She outlined how she began exploring her spiritual side, at one point enrolling in an African-American ministerial school, where she went largely unknown until Monster-in-Law with Jennifer Lopez came out.
Generativity, she said, citing psychoanalyst Erik Erikson, is another antidote to old age, by nurturing and mentoring subsequent generations.
Continuing on her fresh and forthright path, Jane Fonda puzzled over why books about spirit and soul didn't include love and sex. Her aim with the book is a holistic one. "People in the Third Act often close the door on that, " she said, which is fine "if you want to; and if you don't, here's what you do [in the book]."
Intimacy, she explained, is easier now too because men and women meet on a more even playing field hormonally.
"Oh!" she added brightly, "Here's something really interesting: Women's lives that contain generativity have better orgasms."
Audience Address
Handling all the questions without an intermediary, Fonda responded to written requests and then opened the room to spontaneous questions. One woman wrote that she'd just turned 50 and it was a huge relief, but her 57-year-old partner didn't enjoy anything, or go anywhere, and worried all the time. What should she tell him.
Fonda responded, "This is IT. Life's not a dress rehearsal."
She recounted how grateful she was to have had the opportunity of doing On Golden Pond with her father and Katharine Hepburn. And how starring onstage in recent years in 33 Variations allowed her to finally understand her father's love of the stage (as she hadn't when she was younger).
"Can you have a fulfilling life without having children?" someone asked. "Yes! Absolutely!" was her enthusiastic response. Jane Fonda believes we should look on all children as our children.
What's next on her journey? It's the journey itself, she implied. She wants to explore going deeper. "Intimacy means self-revelation – bringing your whole self to the table."
See the Bigger World
Jane Fonda is also adamant about the contributions Third Agers bring to the table. The numbers of service volunteers are astonishing, she said.
Companies who keep a senior workforce have better bottom lines."
The 'greedy geezer' impression still lingers, she said ruefully, but "we contribute enormously," so "respect us, with policies that make our lives easier and healthier…
We have the numbers to demand it."
Her favorite time: "Right Now."
Jane Fonda may feel like she's in virgin territory in this New Age of aging, but she's a creative cartographer, blazing a trail for us all.
More style and self-discovery:
Bringing Up Cary's Baby
Hold Your Ground
Mean Girls No More
Geena Davis Takes Aim
Now Women are EPIC