The People's Choice Awards, CBS, Wednesday, Jan. 11, 9 p.m./8 p.m. CT
This is the time of year when Hollywood chiropractors are exceptionally busy. The reason is very simple. We've hit awards season, when actors and musicians start telling themselves how good they are. Which leads to the chiropractor rush. Do you have any idea the kind of damage you can do when you are constantly reaching around to pat yourself on the back? At least the awards show that kicks the season off, the People's Choice Awards, lets fans do the congratulating rather than the actors and critics. Here's a look at some of the categories this year. (And by the way, when is there going to be an award show for critics who write about people who should be getting awards?)
FAVORITE NETWORK TV DRAMA
The nominees are: The Good Wife, Grey's Anatomy, House, Supernatural, The Vampire Diaries
The process of elimination: Grey's has been around a long time, and so has House. So that limits their chances. The Good Wife is a good show, and combines the time-honored lawyer genre with time-honored romantic subplots, the way Grey's used to do with the doctor genre and romance. Vampire and Supernatural are big cult shows, with big young audiences who like to vote for their favorite stuff. A lot.
Which means the winner should be: Logically, The Good Wife. But Supernatural is This Person's Choice. So there.
FAVORITE TV DRAMA ACTOR
The nominees are: David Boreanaz, Hugh Laurie, Ian Somerhalder, Nathan Fillion, Patrick Dempsey
The process of elimination is: Boreanaz and Fillion still have loyal fans from their cult-ish fantasy genre past. Somerhalder has loyal fans from his cultish fantasy genre present. All of which will leave Dempsey and his fans behind, unfortunately.
Which means the winner should be: House wouldn't exist without Hugh Laurie, so he gets the nod.
FAVORITE TV DRAMA ACTRESS
The nominees are: Blake Lively, Ellen Pompeo, Emily Deschanel, Eva Longoria, Nina Dobrev
The process of elimination is: The youth of Lively and Dobrev versus the experience of Deschanel, Longoria and Pompeo.
Which means the winner should be: It's the last year to vote for Longoria so, for sentimental sake, so she needs to go home with something. Either the award, or a home version of the People's Choice Awards and a lifetime supply of Rice-A-Roni.
FAVORITE CABLE TV DRAMA
The nominees are: Dexter, Game Of Thrones, Pretty Little Liars, True Blood, White Collar
The process of elimination is: Pretty Little Liars will capture the teen text-ers. White Collar is the sophisticated grown-up show. Dexter is the darkest of the batch, while Game of Thrones is something that all the quiet people who keep to themselves in the office loved (but they're busy rewatching all the Lord Of the Rings movies so they don't have time to vote.)
Which means the winner should be: True Blood. This last season wasn't its best but first, vampires seem to be everywhere these days and second, they can read your thoughts and if you aren't voting for them, they'll just compel you to anyway.
FAVORITE NETWORK TV COMEDY
The nominees are: The Big Bang Theory, Glee, How I Met Your Mother, Modern Family, Two And A Half Men
The process of elimination is: Voting for Men would be confusing…are you rewarding Charlie or Ashton? Glee just seems off-key these days. Mother still hasn't introduced the mother, so I think we can't give it anything till it does. Bang is always fun, but still doesn't have the same buzz as….
Which means the winner should be: Modern Family. Two Emmy wins, and the fact that everyone in the office recounts each scene with you at lunch the day after an episode airs clinches this one.
FAVORITE TV COMEDY ACTOR
The nominees are:Alec Baldwin, Chris Colfer, Cory Monteith, Jim Parsons, Neil Patrick Harris
The process of elimination is:Too many flight attendants vote, so Baldwin is out. Colfer and Monteith cancel out the Glee-ks who are casting ballots. Parsons has already won two Emmys, so even if he won this, he's a modest guy and would hand it over to…
Which means the winner should be: Harris. Who should win if only because we all feel like he needs a hug and some encouragement after spending the summer stuck in a Smurfs movie.
FAVORITE TV COMEDY ACTRESS
The nominees are: Courteney Cox, Jane Lynch, Kaley Cuoco, Lea Michele, Tina Fey
The process of elimination is: More Glee-king out with Lynch and Michele. Cox' series, Cougar Town, isn't even on the air at the moment. Fey would probably find a way to make fun of the award on 30 Rock, since they make fun of everything on 30 Rock.
Which means the winner should be: Cuoco is hosting the People's Choice Awards. So if voters don't want a very uncomfortable second half of the show, they better have chosen her. Otherwise, Harris will probably step in and host this show too.
FAVORITE CABLE TV COMEDY
The nominees are: Hot In Cleveland, It's Always Sunny In Philadelphia, Nurse Jackie, Royal Pains, Weeds
The process of elimination is: Sunny has the most selfish characters on TV, so they can't win even though they probably think they are. Jackie is a comedy that never seems very funny. Weeds has the second-most selfish characters, and also is a comedy that tries to be serious. So no way…and Pains is really an hour drama with a few chuckles.
Which means the winner should be: C'mon, it's Betty White…you try voting against a show with Betty White.
FAVORITE NEW TV DRAMA
The nominees are: A Gifted Man, Grimm, Hart of Dixie, Once Upon A Time, Pan Am, Person of Interest, Prime Suspect, Revenge, Ringer, The Secret Circle, Terra Nova, Unforgettable.
The process of elimination is: There are so many shows in this category, it could be its own network. So….
Which means the winner should be: Once Upon A Time. A fairy tale show gets a fairy tale ending.
FAVORITE NEW TV COMEDY
The nominees are: 2 Broke Girls, Allen Gregory, Last Man Standing, Man Up!, New Girl, Suburgatory, Up All Night, Whitney
The process of elimination is: Who here has seen Allen Gregory? Man Up!is already Show Gone. Last Man Standing sounds too much like Man Up! when you read the titles. Suburgatory, 2 Broke Girls and Whitney are all kind of cute and traditional, which cancels them all out. Up All Night is about a new baby so its' fans are probably already exhausted and asleep and forgot to vote.
Which means the winner should be: New Girl. First because it really is the best new comedy and second because if I pick the show to win, maybe its star, Zooey Deschanel, will call off the restraining order and start answering my fan letters.
For more shows you should be watching, check out:
Shameless, The Firm, House Of Lies
Cupcake Wars, Top Chef: Texas, The Chew