Although most of America will spend this Sunday glued to a widescreen TV for hours of hail to the gods spectacle, there are millions who care not a whit. To paraphrase a beer slogan, this post's for you.
The fact that most of humanity is otherwise engaged opens up a huge vista of possibilities for the rest of us.
Your town will look as deserted as the sets from the Walking Dead. So here are 5 ideas to take advantage of your non-fan status.
1) Movies. Hit the 8-plex and bounce from screen to screen. No one will be there, so no one will care. Kind of like speed-viewing. You can catch up on all the Oscar-nominated flicks.
2) Shopping. The malls will be deserted - might as well have a leisurely look. Try on those Jimmy Choos you've been coveting. Grab the book you've been wanting to read and peruse it as you treat yourself to a long, long lunch.
3) If hubby will be conducting his tribal rites at a friend's or some sports bar, you may want to just stay home and luxuriate in a bath. Or, plug in the Wii and dance like nobody is watching, because this time, they aren't. Switch on the Karaoke and wail like it's for J-Lo and Steven and Randy.
4) Send an Evite to the other Superbowl widows and have a girl's day out. Whether it's bowling and burgers or chardonnay and chamber music at the museum, you'll have plenty of elbow room. Engage in an activity that's usually dominated by men—like golfing, shooting, bowling. You'll have the place to yourself and can dance and sing while putting, rolling or firing!
5) Complete a selection from your bucket list. The sad thing about bucket lists is, by the time most people decide to act on them, they don't feel up to it. So pick something - take a skydive or a hot air balloon ride or a tango lesson with that ripped instructor or vandalize your frenemy's prize begonia's - and rejoice in the fact that you dare to be different!
Superbowl-Shmuperbowl.