This morning as I looked through Facebook, I saw the status updates of my college buddies. Their kids are studying abroad at places like Oxford. They are starring in musicals and getting full-ride scholarships. In short: they are doing things my oldest kids will probably never do.
The one that concerns me most right now is my adopted son, who is a senior. This 18-year-old has battled all sorts of things like early life trauma (too extreme to even write about anonymously) dyslexia, depression, ADD, but has somehow made it to his senior year.
It hasn't been easy. It's meant years of therapy, doctors and medication. All of which we hope will break the cycle of his traumatic past and give him a shot at a productive adult life.
Right now he's at a real crossroads, though.
Although he has taken his SATs and I've taken him to visit several colleges, he's feeling overwhelmed about the future. His grades are less than stellar (in fact, there's a chance he may not even graduate this year.) He hasn't been able to hold down a steady job (he's very personable and likeable but he gets distracted easily and frustrates his bosses.)
In short, none of us are sure what comes next for him. What we don't want to happen is for him to move in with his girlfriend (who has even more issues than he does) and start a young family. That would just put him right back in the cycle of poverty and despair that was his early life.
I've learned over the years to not compare my kids' achievements to that of my friends. It's not always easy (and I have to say that Facebook has made the chasm even more evident) but I really have learned to measure my sons' progress based on his own personal successes.
For example, his therapist assures me that my son knows right from wrong. That – in and of itself – feels like a small triumph. Not exactly the kind of thing that warrants a status update on Facebook. But good enough for me.